How the showdown between Bush and Congress will go
In case anyone is unaware, Congress finally subpoenaed the White House this past week. To no ones surprise, the White House refused to answer them, and now Congress is pledging to use the “full force of law” if necessary.
Since this is no doubt confusing to some, I thought I’d provide a transcript of how this is all likely to go down:
BUSH: ‘Allo. Whoo is eet?
NANCY PELOSI (outside the White House gate): I am Nancy Pelosi and these are the Democrats of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
BUSH: This is the castle of of my master, Cheney de Dick.
NANCY PELOSI: Please go and tell your master that we have been charged by the American people with a sacred quest, and if he will give us documents and testimony, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
BUSH: Well, I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen. He’s already got one, you see?
NANCY PELOSI: What?
HARRY REID: He says they’ve already got one!
NANCY PELOSI: Are you sure he’s got one?
BUSH: Oh yes. It’s very nice
NANCY PELOSI: Well … can we come up and have a look?
BUSH: Of course not! You are American pigs.
NANCY PELOSI: Well, what are you then?
BUSH: I’m French. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly speaker of the house.
NANCY PELOSI: What are you doing in America?
BUSH: Mind your own business.
NANCY PELOSI: If you will not show us the documents we shall storm your castle.
BUSH: You don’t frighten us, American pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Nancy-Speaker, you and your silly American Kah-nogress.
Bush blows rasberry
HARRY REID: What a strange person.
NANCY PELOSI: Now look here, my good man!
BUSH: I don’t want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
HARRY REID: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
BUSH: No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
NANCY PELOSI: Now this is your last chance. I’ve been more than reasonab…
Cut away to the interior of the White House, where a cow is being led through the hall.
Cut back to Nancy Pelosi.
NANCY PELOSI: Now that is my final offer. If you are not prepared to agree to my demands I shall be forced to take … Oh Christ!
The cow comes flying over the gate, The cow lands on a congressional, squashing him completely.
HARRY REID: What a cruel thing to do.
NANCY PELOSI: Right! Congressmen! Forward!
NANCY PELOSI leads a charge toward the castle. They battle on as they’re hit by more farm animals.
NANCY PELOSI (as the MAN next to her is squashed by a sheep): Run away! Run away!